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  • Writer's pictureKim O

Are you guilty of the #1 Love & Life Killer

Updated: Nov 11, 2019

The #1 Love & Life Killer is 

Unprocessed Emotions.

It supersedes all diseases too.

Unprocessed emotions are a deadly parasite and the mother of all dis-ease, disfunction and wreaks havoc on your life and love life. They get stuck inside and fester and rot and kill our body and soul. We cannot allow them to remain trapped inside. 

What are unprocessed emotions?

Unprocessed emotions could also be termed our baggage. They are the feelings, emotions and energies around unresolved conflicts from our lifetime. They are the hurts, resentments, disappointments, frustrations, angers, and hate that have not been processed, forgiven and thus transformed into peace, love and strength. When we harbor unprocessed emotions, we are really harboring unforgiveness.

The Unhealthy Coping Strategies we implement instead of addressing these unforgivenesses are:

Stuff Feelings

Automatic Negative Talk (ANTS)

Numb Out

Get Busy


Become Easily Triggered or Feel Hurt

Stay Stuck in Unfair


Those words are the real killers in life and love. They keep us down. Way down.

The Solution: The first part of the forgiveness process includes feeling in order to heal.

Why do we avoid Feeling at all costs?

Because, we have to take a trip, a trip to hurt land.

We have to visit our hurt and stare it directly in the eyes.

Typically when we re-experience a hurt incident through remembrance, we are transported to the pain which caused us to shutdown and bury our feelings deep down inside in the first place. We immediately shut down again claiming “I can’t talk about it…” and to cry is just too painful or embarrassing.

But, we have to remember the hurt. We have to recall the tragic events. We have to review who was involved. We have to feel our feelings and cry or express in healthy ways. And then we have to do what seems impossible, completely LET GO AND FORGIVE. 

"Dear God, How? It hurts too much,” we plead.

To not let go, keeps us in the pain. Some people stay there for the rest of their lives. We all know the people who refuse to love again after having their hearts broken. We all know the people who will not work through their painful upbringing and we see the consequences of their hurt played out in their stifled lives today. Or, many try to soothe the pain through a relationship. They mistakenly believe someone else can heal it for them. 

No one can do it for you.

Someone who has visited their pain and released it through forgiveness, is free. They are free to enter relationship with very little baggage (for we all have some residual stuff to process during our entire lives). The more baggage, the more drama, conflict, and disharmony in relationships. 

Unfortunately, baggage stuffers take out their unresolved conflicts on the person closest to them, their mate. This is where things go south. We can can stuff or hide these killers in the initial stages of dating, but they cannot stay hidden for long. When real life starts happening, real communication, real negotiation and compromise, when we have to really show up, that is when those uglies appear.

I can guarantee this through what I call a SuperTruth: Your date or mate will trigger every single wound you have. Relationship can be the place where we support one another through love and heal.

Would it not be better to start the process of releasing all of that gunk?  

How to Start the LET GO AND FORGIVE Process

  1.  Courage - You must decide:  Am I going to be courageous? Am I going to use this courage I have heard, read, and seen of others using? We can all muster courage, but it is a choice. We begin here: "I have courage to approach my unprocessed emotions.” Say it or journal it. Make it real. As Brene' Brown teaches, "Courage Works."

2. Conviction - You must be absolutely convicted that your unprocessed emotion is killing your heart and soul. You must personally alert yourself every time you use an unhealthy coping strategy. Observe yourself, and promise yourself in complete conviction, "NO MORE!” Create a contract for yourself, stating your goal: To Feel Unprocessed Emotions and Let Go. Sign it with a witness. Make it real.

3. Compassion - You must offer yourself the gentleness and compassion Jesus offers us everyday as you approach this difficult work. It is not easy. In fact, it is probably the hardest work of your life, reaping the greatest benefit. Self-Care is not optional. Reward yourself with every movement in the right direction.

The cornerstone of the work I have done on myself and others, is to promote feeling our feelings. We are a society good at stuffing, keeping busy, numbing out, etc. The Unhealthy Coping Strategies are deemed as societally acceptable. They should NOT be especially for believers. 

I am going to start hosting Cry Fests, Feel Fests, Forgiveness Fests, and Hurt Circles to start a Release of Unprocessed Emotion Revolution. Start your own or stay tuned.


If this post resonated with you, you must love yourself enough to invest in this powerful affordable and awesome course: Feel & Forgive.

Contact Me! I love Questions!

With Accountability, Love, and some Fun,

Kim O

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