Should You Be Online Dating?
Updated: Nov 11, 2019
As I am coaching, sometimes it is beneficial for people to traverse the online dating world. Sometimes it is beneficial to take a sabbatical.
My own journey before I reaped my keeper looked like this:
-Date, Meet Someone, Stop Seeing Someone (usually 2-3 weeks)
-take a 3 month break
-Date, Meet Someone, Stop Seeing Someone (usually 2-3 weeks)
-take a 3 month break
-Date, Meet Someone, Stop Seeing Someone (usually 2-3 weeks)
-take a 3 month break
-and so on
Because I was serious about reaping my keeper, I was super intentional about self-reflection before, during and after dating.
I would go online.
My inbox would be full as is typical of most women.
I would sift through quickly and easily via their pic and their invitations.
I filtered every step of the way.
After a few correspondences, one man would always stand out.
I would invest my interest in that person alone.
My typical monogamous dating period with that person would run anywhere from 1 week to a month. Once in a while it would move into 6-9 weeks, but rarely.
After it ended, I took at least a 3-month sabbatical from dating to get my wits about me again.
Of the 6 years I was single, I might have been officially online for less than a month altogether. I would hide or shut down my profile while dating the one person I had chosen to invest myself.
I learned so much about myself through those dating experiences, that I felt I needed time between dating to work on me. I found myself becoming emotionally attached, giving my heart away too soon, over-compromising, and hanging onto the initial strong chemistry too long even when I knew he was not meeting my Absolute requirements (from the workshop: Absolutely Know Your Compatibility Requirements or our intense online 12 Week Program that fully equips you in every area possible: Unleash Your SuperHero Program.
I would then listen to my heart. After time had passed and I had built my confidence muscles up a bit more through coaching, I would ask: "Heart, are you ready to date again?" If I listened intently, I knew the answer.
I only wanted to go into dating feeling strong and equipped,
not broken, defeated, disappointed, or frustrated.
This routine did take some time to manifest. It did not happen straight out of the gate of my new single life.
Unfortunately, what is the norm out there? Get out there and date without a second thought. People are online the afternoon before they break up with their partner that night.
Dating has become an addiction.
It has been the soothing agent for bleeding or revengeful hearts.
This is NOT going to reap your keeper. It will attract more drama.
Dating is a reflection of your frequency - the thoughts, beliefs and behaviors you sow. Whatever you have going on inside of you, I guarantee, it will be triggered or revealed in your date. It might not appear until after the Fairytale drug effect has worn off, but it will surely manifest and bring you right back to the problems, issues, conflicts and hurts you were trying to run away from in the first place.
What determines whether you online date or not?
Let me attempt to answer this with examples from 2 people I coached this past week.
A and I decided it would be most beneficial for her to not date. She is feeling really low about herself. She had been making really poor choices in the men she had chosen to be in relationship. She is practicing loving herself first, dating herself, and building her confidence muscles. She is reframing her ANTS (automatic negative thoughts - from the Dump the Junk in your Trunk of the Unleash Your SuperHero Program). To try and date now while she is feeling delicate, would be disastrous. She is doing some HeartWork first.
B has been avoiding the dating world. In fact, he hasn't dated much at all in his lifetime. He feels great about himself in life and his work, as he is very social and enjoys his friends immensely. But, he steps out of his authenticity in the face of women he likes. He has invested himself in women who could not love him back. B actually needs to get his butt out there and practice dating. He has learned some very valuable tools for staying in his Authenticity (the first 3 modules of the Unleash Program), and he's really doing great. Now, it is time to go out there and practice what he has learned.
Who do you most resonate with - Me, A, or B? I trust that you will self-reflect, listen to your heart, and ACT!
I believe in you! You can do it!
With Accountability, Love, and some Fun,
Kim O
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