Updated: Nov 11, 2019
Have you been ghosted?
They left without a trace?
Things appeared to be going so well.
You had been enjoying each other’s company, and then POOF, gone.
It is certainly okay to self-reflect. But the self-reflection must be questions such as:
Was I being true to me?
Was I being my authentic self?
Was I holding true to my compatibility requirements?
Did I give my heart away too quickly?
Did I emotionally attach before exclusivity or commitment?
Did I rush things?
These are healthy questions to ask. We are human. When it comes to love we can be susceptible to the effects of the Fairytale Drug Effect. We lose focus and maybe even our standards in the face of high chemistry and potential love bliss. But it is important to reflect so we can see where we may have dropped our confidence: if we began to settle with someone that was not meeting our requirements or if we rushed the path to love. Patience while getting to know someone can be a great way to protect your heart and have fun at the same time.
Too often I hear the ghosted victim immediately turn on themselves and ask:
What’s wrong with me?
Self-reflection is healthy using the former questions. We can always improve. Nothing is wrong with you. You are awesome. We humbly recognize how incredible we are and that we are made for a purpose. That is some major confidence right there that you carry within your heart. If you don't dig you, your dates can't either. Start believing it and you won’t reap Ghosters any more.
Instead, I would love if your thoughts about the Ghoster sounded like this:
Someone who ghosts is weak.
They do not have the courage to kindly inform me of the truth.
I want a mate that is strong enough to be honest.
I am a strong, confident person. It does not matter WHY they left. What matters is that they did leave and they did it disrespectfully and without kindness. Which is why it does not matter. It is on them that they cannot be honest and respectful.
If you really want a mate that is kind and honest, then who cares about that GHOSTER. Let them go. You do not want a ghoster.
At the same time, you have the opportunity to build your courage and honesty muscles too. When you notice an absence in communication, you have every right to and deserve to hold this person accountable. ASK what’s going on. It can sound something like this:
Hey, I noticed you haven’t been texting much lately. I was really enjoying our time together. If your feelings have changed, let me know and I will move on.
It is not a threat to your ego to ask someone to tell you the truth. It is honoring to yourself and you are holding another human being to a standard of honesty too.
This is great! This is healthy.
One of the messages I considered including on my website was:
I am a woman on a mission to turn dating and relationships from diss to bliss.
This mission includes bringing back integrity, honesty and respect into dating for yourself and the other person. It is! This attitude is a very high frequency, which is putting "you reap what you sow" into action. If you begin to practice it, you will reap other like daters that also hold these high ideals or someone willing to emulate your high way of being . This is how it works and science calls it the Law of Attraction. If we lower ourselves to ghosting and not confidently keeping our dates accountable, we keep our frequency low and will continue to reap ghoster type people. Hold yourself to a higher standard. Be different. You don’t want to be like the masses, not caring enough. It’s not working for the masses. They are miserable in dating. That does not need to be your reality too.
When I began to be gutsy and radically honest in my authenticity and communication while dating, whoa, look out. First, it had a hypnotic effect on my dates. It felt so good and refreshing to them that men were falling in love with me overnight. I realized how rare it must be to be as authentic and honest in communication as I was striving to be. I had not developed my strong compatibility requirements too yet, so I still had some work to do, but it definitely demonstrated the magic of honesty in dating.
Are you tired of the date-go-round?
Do you want Reap Your Keeper?
The one that will not leave.
You can achieve your love goals...here is how...
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With Accountability, Love, and some Fun,