Updated: Nov 11, 2019
In order to answer the question:
How do I conduct myself on the first few dates?
I need to ask you a few questions.
Are you dating because you just broke up with someone and it will keep your mind off the hurt?
If this is the case, it is an unhealthy approach toward dating. I can pretty much guarantee that although you may experience some physical pleasure and emotional relief, it will be very short-lived. Your pain will return and be even greater.
Are you dating to appease your physical desires only?
If this is your situation, you can conduct yourself however you want. Because you are basing your relationship on the physical only, it does not matter. They will either want to do it with you or not.
Are you dating to reap your keeper for a long term relationship?
Aha! The Golden ticket and probably what most of my audience desires. You must approach dating lightly on the outside, but very intentionally on the inside. Approach dating as a filtering process that will include some adventure. If you come into a date heavy and serious straight from the get-go, it will be impossible to get a feel for who this person really is. This does not mean you cannot approach deep topics, but it does mean you will want to stave off the physical pleasure part until you get to know them more.
Here's the truth:
Whether we like to admit this or not, adding the physical element into the beginning of dating jeopardizes the get to know each other phase. Being physical creates an emotional bond especially for those interested in reaping their keeper. For the person who just wants a thrill, it's no big deal, have at it. But not for you. You are too invested in creating your relationship dreams, honoring yourself, and the other person. Sloooooow the physical train way down. You don't need to slow down getting to know each other in other ways. Get out there and go to a concert, hike a mountain, have a picnic and see a movie. Hang out. Talk.
A person that wants to reap their keeper is going on dating adventures to have fun on the outside, but on the inside you are observing whether this person fits into your compatibility requirements. I am basically giving you permission to be very picky. This is your heart we are talking about here, and the rest of your life to hang with this person. It matters a whole-lotta. You are carrying a clipboard within your heart of everything that is of absolute importance to you while you get to know someone.
You tell me if you think taking intimacy too far would cloud this endeavor?
What if you do go there and discover that they are an amazing lover? But as you continue to hang out, you realize they have some serious issues they have not attended to yet or they do not meet your requirements. You may stick around for the physical pleasure. For the person who wants to reap their keeper, this turns into exhaustion as you battle with the pleadings of your heart. Many go down this road. I see it over and over and over again. Hitchin your wagon to the wrong star, over and over and over again because it is really hard to be patient about the physical.
I am going to tell you what my Mentor once told me. Get a pet. Hug your pet. And/or get busy pursuing interests. Invest in your spirituality or take up a new hobby. Painting actually became my sexual release. It was very sensual for me. Find your thing to help you be patient, and do it.
You know the famous saying, Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results.
Trying dating differently. See what happens.
If you are feeling as if you would like to be more equipped to reap your keeper while you date, check out heartworku.com. Especially check out the self tests tab...lots of great assessments there to direct you in the right direction.
I believe in you. Go for it!
Contact Me! I love Questions!
With Accountability, Love, and some Fun,