Has it happened to you too?
A chemistry so intense, so mesmerizing, that the earth literally shook and shifted on its axis.
When your eyes met - no one else existed, your hearts fluttering, your entire insides aflame.
When you brushed skin for the first time, your whole body lit up with electricity.
When your lips met, they could not be satiated. More is all they yearned for...to devour every flavor and inch of each other.
Proclamations of:
"I did not think you existed."
"I never felt this way before.'
"You are my dream."
"I love you" slips out of your mouth way too quickly.
To be apart, is pain.
To be together is bliss.
Until, suddenly, without any warning or explanation...gone.
It's over.
Ghosted forever.
How?
Why?
"This can't be" floods your being.
Doubt, confusion, and devastation become your best friends.
It's tough and painful and can cause one to never trust their instincts to love ever again.
I have some thoughts that may offer clarification and empower you through the confusion and pain.
Some people are high sensation seekers. This is a very real trait and even bears the acronym HSS. These people thrive on and seek high sensation experiences. They may not know this about themselves and they simply live their lives seeking high sensation activities. Falling madly in love can be one of those activities. For the HSS, the thrill of new romance dies almost as quickly as it starts.
Some HSS's do know this about themselves and have managed to sustain a long-term relationship while engaging in many other hobbies to appease their HSS proclivities.
Some people may not be an HSS but they might be lacking in the soul stamina or desire to pursue the effort it takes to sustain a healthy relationship. The fun the beginning offers might end up being enough for them.
How do you know if you fell in love with an HSS or someone who lacks integrity at the same level as yourself?
And how do you know if they are capable of going the long haul or not?
I believe everyone offers us clues about themselves.
I believe we choose not to see the clues.
When emotions, chemistry, and attraction are high, we can go dumb. Our brain is consumed by a love fog. Love becomes blind. It takes a whole-lotta strength and conviction in yourself to notice the clues and act upon them.
I myself experienced a whirlwind romance as intense as the one I described at the beginning of this blog. He did offer me clues. They were embedded in his descriptions of past relationships. I banked on our chemistry, not what I was hearing. I thought we would be different. Our oneness was too powerful. He showered me with gifts and adoration. But, I was fatally wrong.
My hope is that you realize a few things:
You may have been dealing with an HSS that is unwilling to give up what he/she considers their adventurous, free life.
You may have been dealing with someone who doesn't have the soul stamina to do relationship at the same level of integrity as you do.
If they really were your One, they would still be with you. They were not your One. I don't care how incredible and intense your experience was. If they are your One, they will stay.
Know that I took a year getting over my HSS whirlwind romance. It was the greatest catalyst to my growth. I learned to really love myself that year. I also learned that loving myself as God loves me is the greatest way to protect your heart from these sorts of experiences from happening. I realized that not only was my fairytale guy an HSS, he also lacked the same amount of integrity as I did with regard to relationship and he lacked character. If I had the God/self-love and confidence I have now, I would have seen and acted upon the clues he gave me because I would have loved myself too much to ignore them. I also believe that God/self-love would have caused me to enjoy the high chemistry without completely giving my heart away so quickly. We can experience love at first sight, but we can add wisdom and time to the recipe. Self-love helps us to enjoy the chemistry with patience to watch and listen and be sure. Most of us take time in revealing our true colors.
Self-love will save you and set you free.
Do you love yourself ?
Do you ignore red flags or cues that are in conflict with the high chemistry and euphoria you are feeling?
Do you love yourself to take your time and make sure this person has the integrity and characteristics you need for the long haul?
If you do not quite know how to love yourself and do the above, get on the love train and check out my affordable and awesome courses and coaching www.heartworkuniversity.com - so much to learn to move you forward.
Contact Me, I love Questions!
With Accountability, Love, and some Fun,
Kim O
