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  • Writer's pictureKim O

Have You Ditched Those How-to Dating Books Yet?

Updated: Nov 11, 2019

Are you single?

Are you lonely?

Are you tired of the date-go-round?

Do you desire a committed relationship?

Do you desire a conscious relationship?

If the answer is “Yes,” please do the following:

Step 1. Ditch your dating books or anything that resembles advice such as, “Learn what he really wants…” or “How to win him over…

Step 2. Strive to live in your unique, Authenticity.

That’s it. That is the best dating advice.

Let’s dive into Step 2 first

I am diving into Step 2 first because the only reason we would need a rule book telling us how to date is if we are unsure of who we are and what we want. 

Striving to live in your unique Authenticity does not involve following a rule book on how to date or entice someone to like you. It means being the fullness of who you are in Him, living unabashedly in your authenticity, in complete confidence and making your own rules from that foundation.  

  • Do you know how irresistible your authenticity is?  

  • Do you grasp how sexy you are when you don’t try, but rather just be who you are?  

Why does it seem so hard to be Authentic?:

The pressures of this world and the not so helpful traits passed down to us from well-meaning parents, can cloud our Authenticity. In an effort to please others and survive unfairnesses or hurts done to us, we cope and become someone other than our true selves. As adults, we get to undo this. Some of us never step off the treadmill of life to do this HeartWork. 

Why Step 1 Works and Why How-To dating books are a farce.

I would change the typical dating advice stated in Step 1 to read, “Learn what You want, not what he/she wants.

  1. We cannot and should not try to form ourselves to be pleasing to someone else. We should be pleasing to ourselves, delighting in who we are. When we do this, we actually become so sexy and infectious, we will have to manage all the suitors that fall for us. If we strive to be our best person, we will be presenting our true authentic selves to a potential partner. Truth creates truth. Why would we want to fake our way through one of the most important decisions in our lives?

  2. Most of the how-to date books are designed to appease the masses, which typically live by ego’s rules and regulations. They make generalized statements about both men and women and how we typically operate. “Make him chase you.” “Be hard to get.” “Men like to hunt.” Or, “Let him talk about himself.” Blah Blah Blah.

It’s bologna!

Be Confident You.

For those of us who want more, who seek a healthy relationship with a kindred partner, rules do not apply. We live in our authenticity and follow our heart. That is our how-to dating book. Unfortunately, the masses are not accustomed to listening to their heart, they listen to their ego/flesh. If I had tried to follow society’s advice on dating, I would not be with my amazing man. We both followed our hearts. No making him chase me. No waiting a certain time frame to text. We were unapologetically our vibrant selves.

Warning: Beware of dating advice from friends. Many friends placate, telling you what you want to hear, not what you need to hear. Share with friends who are on the same wavelength as yourself, striving to improve and do life better. It is TOTALLY different and most beneficial sharing with spiritual kindreds.

I sincerely care about each and every one of you daters out there! Life and Dating can be a wonderful adventure of Self-Discovery and Together-Discovery! 

If you would like to learn to dig yourself even more, check out my website where you can take a Dater's Assessment - discover where you are and where you need to go. You can also go to my school and peruse my online courses in HeartWorkU. You will have a full understanding of who you are and what you want. And that is great news because you won’t waste anymore time attracting duds, you will attract your ideal match.

Contact Me. I love Questions!

With Accountability, Love, and some Fun,

Kim O

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