I remember the time my young, svelte twenty-something self, looked up from my treadmill and saw the poster of a man clearly in his upper years totally buff, lifting a hefty barbell, with the quote “Aging isn’t for Sissies.” I was taken by this poster. It’s image and my reflections have stayed with me. I was still quite ego-centric in my twenties. Aging felt so far away, but it haunted me. Somehow, I think our young selves believe we’ll be different. “It won’t be that way for me,” we think.
And then life happens.
Suddenly I am older. Visions of my younger self seem so easy. Working out and keeping fit and tone were a piece of cake. Now, it seems I can backpack for 20 miles and not lose an ounce.
Aging isn’t for Sissies. It takes guts and determination to do it well. Every aspect of your physical being is in decline. Much more effort is required to simply keep up. The fruit of aging, if we do it well and consciously, is wisdom. Hopefully the mistakes have been made, so we can live without the consequences of poor decisions anymore.
When I embarked on dating fresh after my divorce, that poster came to mind and I thought, “Dating isn’t for Sissies either. Gee whiz, it’s tough out there. I need to build up some muscle.”
I have dated poorly. It stunk. In the midst of the date-go-round. I could see a very tired, frustrated me, going out on date after date, hoping maybe the next date would be the one. “Dating isn’t for Sissies” was written across my lonely face. I felt like a sissy. I was breaking down. I couldn’t lift the dating barbell anymore.
I took many sabbaticals from dating throughout my single years. I am a sensitive one, a hopeless romantic, and I love big. Love is easy, isn’t it? Why make it so hard. These people I was dating made things very hard. Where was the honesty, kindness, or integrity? Something had to give.
We underestimate the soul stamina it takes to date. It’s a jungle out there. You must be prepared. It takes guts and determination to do it well. Because dating can lack consciousness and integrity, you must be really strong to hack it.
Let’s dissect dating: Who is your dating pool?
People who are heart broken.
People who want to have fun.
People who just came out of a relationship.
People who are lonely.
People who are hurt.
People who are needy.
People who are confident.
People who don’t know themselves.
People who are flexible.
People who are rigid.
People with unrealistic expectations.
People who are accepting and non-judgemental.
People who give.
People who take.
People with addictions.
People who cheat.
People who need someone to tell them how great they are.
People who are insecure.
People who are players.
People who are conscious.
People who are unconscious.
People who genuinely want a relationship.
People who are loyal.
People who are not loyal.
People who are honest.
People who are dishonest.
EVERYTHING IS OUT THERE.
And here is a real big truth: People are sinners. Your next date will be a sinner.
Don’t act so surprised at what you come across. It is ALL out there.
If you choose to date, you run the risk of encountering any of the above on an intimate level. Some of the options are great. Some of the options are dismal.
The only thing you can count on for sure, is yourself.
I changed me, and thus I changed my dating. I brought myself to a place where I could choose wisely, since no one is perfect, I knew I had to choose a partner on the path and be willing to move forward.
The only way to emerge from this jungle unscathed is to know and embrace yourself fully and operate confidently from there. There are plenty of fish, and you most likely with be tossing quite a few back.
You must date from your Unique Authenticity.
If you know yourself and what you want…
If you do not need anyone to feel good about yourself …
If you know your compatibility priorities…
If you know your absolute non-negotiables…
If life is good right now…
You will not settle.
You will not be with someone just to be with someone.
You will not compromise your boundaries, compatibility priorities, or non-negotiables.
You will say “No” easily, and walk away when something feels off.
You will say “Yes” confidently and stay when it is right.
When you date from your Authenticity, you won’t be affected by the plethora of craziness out there. You will hold true to yourself, ignoring all the bunk, and move on with ease, unaffected.
If dating is taking you down, your results are grim, and the date-go-round feels endless, it is time for some Authenticity training.
Take yourself off online dating. Tell yourself you will return when you feel confident and good.
Spend the time you would have spent managing profiles and swiping, by investing in yourself. Depending on where you are, this may include journaling first to brainstorm your heart’s desires. Or, you may be out there experiencing your curiosities already.
Coaching is a phenomenal way to get in touch with your Authenticity. We all need an outside observer of our lives. We’re too close to ourselves to see what we’re really doing. I still have coaches and conscious kindreds to keep me on track.
I am so excited for you as you dive into You! Peruse my site for tons of free tools to start you moving forward, heartworku.com.
Good luck out there! You can do it!
Contact Me! I love Questions!
With Accountability, Love, and some Fun,
Kim O