Updated: Nov 11, 2019
If you have probed my site at all, you may be thinking, Kim O is a hypocrite. She created The 14 Golden Rules of Swagilcious Dating.
Indeed I did. Let me explain. I would have loved to have titled my course: The 14 Golden Mind/Skillsets for Swagilcious Authentic Dating, but its just not attractive enough to get you to check it out. I would rather keep the title as is and this is why:
My version of Golden Rules for dating is that the Rules are defined by You alone and Your Authenticity. I am simply the facilitator, reminding you of who you are and what is important to you. If you are unsure of who you are and what is right or important to you, I can guide you into discovering that for yourself too!
You see, I cannot impose rules on everyone that is a fit for absolutely everyone, accept for this one rule:
Be True to Your Authentic Self and Respect Others too.
For example: I had a rule for myself that I only dated smilers - people who naturally smiled often. Optimism is highly important to me. It is one of my absolutes for relationship. I am being true to my Authentic Self that desires to build a relationship with a fellow optimist by having this rule for myself. My optimist wholeheartedly deals positively when trials come. I did not want someone who did not see trials for what they are: opportunities to grow. This is not a rule everyone lives by - although life would be better if they did. I said NO to anyone who was not a natural smiler. It really worked to have that rule for myself because I was sowing my strong belief in James 1:2 "Consider it pure joy my brothers and sisters when you face trials of many kinds for you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be complete, not lacking anything." With a partner who aligned with me in this way, I knew we could tackle anything.
It is the Law of Attraction in action as I sowed the belief in my own life, I reaped a man who did too. So the rules you make for your Authentic Self are really important. If you adopt a rule someone else thinks you should have that goes against your Authenticity, you will magnetize someone contrary to what is authentically important to you. That is Ughness, not Swagilciousness.
To Not have dating rules imposed by someone else for you, translates into this:
You are highly confident in who you are and what you want.
A wise mentor once told me that, "A confident woman can say anything." This could not be more true. Your confidence carries an energy that is felt by everyone. Reflect on this for a second. Think about something you are super confident about...how do you posture yourself when you are engaging in this confident activity? Do the people around you feel it and trust you? Did we believe Mohammad Ali as he ran around punching the air incessantly proclaiming "I'm the greatest." He created the belief within himself and we believed him and he fulfilled it.
When we are being confident in our Authenticity, it is believable and irresistible. It is grounded in accepting ourselves exactly as we are. Embracing our unique personality. Embracing our body, mind, and heart.
I am suggesting that you hold confidence in the choices (rules) you make for yourself in dating and you ensure that you respect the other person in the process.
If you have confidence in what a great date you just had with someone and you want to text them right away and tell them, then DO IT. Do not impose some ridiculous rule someone once said about when you should text. Your keeper will love that you texted so quickly. If the other person is perturbed or offended, that person is not your keeper. Move on. This is good. The quicker you move on and filter, the quicker you get to your NO so that you can invest in your future YES.
You do not have rules so you can appease someone else or please the masses. You institute your own Authentic rules so you appease You and reap your keeper.
It can take some practice and time being confident about who you are and what rules you want for yourself. That is what my entire coaching/courses hinge upon. I guide you to step into your bright, bold, authentic self, so that you can reap a harmonious, passionate life and love.
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With Accountability, Love, and some Fun,