Gottman & Gottman's (1994) Relationship Research

 Good relationships must be low in these 4 Categories:

1. CRITICISM           - cutting down your partner with negativity, only seeing what they do wrong

2. CONTEMPT         - looking down on the other partner, you are better than they are

3. DEFENSIVENESS  - victimhood, perceived attack, shifting blame

4. STONEWALLING  - no body mirroring, not emotionally investing, silence


A GOOD RELATIONSHIP = 5 positive interactions to every 1 negative interaction


- be & express interest

- express affection

- accept differing perspectives

- empathize 

- apologize

- show that they matter

- intentionally appreciate

- find opportunities to agree

- have fun and do things you both like, often

- find humor and laugh as much as you can